Talking about kink in a potential intimate relationship is not always easy. Hell, talking about kink in any kind of relationship isn’t easy. For this week’s column, we will be discussing how to bring kink and BDSM into discussion when you are talking to a sexual partner.
A friend recently asked me how he should break the news to his partner that he wants to introduce kink to their relationship when the partner is extremely vanilla. I told him that he should probably talk to my husband about it because I was the extremely vanilla partner when we started dating.
But I think this would be a great topic to write for the first post and a good lead-in to some more dicey topics coming up in the future.
Honest and clear communication between two, or more, partners is very important in a relationship. It is as important, if not more so, in the discussion of kink/BDSM practices. No matter the nature of this relationship, whether it’s a marriage, a long term relationship, a friends with benefits situation or simply a fuckbuddy, a clear and honest communication about what each other wants and needs is essential. With an open-minded and honest conversation about kink and BDSM will release the taboo in the subject, which will only help the mutual understanding in the relationship even further.
This conversation is not a labor negotiation, it’s more like a bi-laderal treaty. Lay out what the both of you want and what you can accept or enjoy the other do. Be clear, so there’s no grey areas that might be misunderstood and ruin a potentially fun experience.
Lay down some ground rules before anything happens. What’s off limits, what is the safeword, is there anything that you don’t know if you will enjoy but are willing to explore. Be as specific as possible.
Start with something light and simple. Toys, light restraint, blind fold, roleplay, gears are something everyone can try without too much technical difficulty or potential danger.
When in action, pay attention to your partner. Pay attention to their reaction. They might think they would enjoy something but in reality they actually don’t. Move on to something else if your partner shows signs of distress during certain play and check immediately if everything is ok.
Lastly, always provide after care.
Please send in any questions you have regarding relationships, kinks, BDSM, or anything you think is worthy of a discussion. Or leave a message to discuss the topic of this week with other readers.
My name is Montgomery Hartgrave and this has been the Full Monty. See you next time.